This is "E"

Hearing things

It was a nice day, Quiet. So I thought I would talk about a change to my life that I have noticed recently.

Before E was born there were a lot of things that I could take for granted that are no longer true. For example it used to be the case that when I would hear something it was because a noise had been made. No longer true. Since E joined the family almost whenever I am home alone with, or without, her and she is not in the room with me... I hear her crying.

It is not even that I think I hear her crying, until I check I really hear it. It is quiet, but it's quiet when she is crying in her room and I am in the kitchen. So the only way that I can get it out of my head is to go and take a look. For the sake of my mental health I am glad that we got a monitor that opperates on battery power as well as when plugged in.

by the way I asked K, she says that she hears it too.

Day one

K got home last night at eight PM. I had managed to fend off E's appetite so that they were able to have a last meal together before bedtime. I was glad to hear that she enjoyed herself at the wedding and it was kind of a fun time Being the only one there of E.

Now it is a bit after five on Monday E is in the bouncy chair happily chatting away with the little wood shapes I painted in black, white and red after we brought her home. The one painted as a face is her favorite. I have already talked to K twice on this her first day of work after E being born. I was greatly relieved to hear that as she sat at a restaurant downtown eating her salad and reading her book at lunch she thought to herself that she does indeed need that in her life.

E and I spent the most noteworthy part of our day playing with our friend, neighbor and my former co-teacher and her daughter. We went out to lunch then took her three year old to the toy store next door. In the area where we live it is a given that if you have been here for any amount of time and take an outing of this sort you will run into someone that you know. This is was not an exception to that rule.

I saw, but choose not to talk to, the grandmother of a girl I dated back in high school. (It was because the girlfriend was friends with K that K and I met way back in 1991.) I also ran into the mother of one a kid, now grown up, who I used to have in the youth group at church when I led it. Now he has since moved back to the area and is living in a condo with his girlfriend and they are friends of ours. (If I am not thinking I will still occasionally refer to him as one of "the Jr high kids".)

After lunch was done we came back to hang out at my place and the three year old did a developmentally correct job of tearing up the living room and chasing our dog then they took their leave. I tried, in vain, to get E to take a nap. I don't know why she didn't want to, I know that I could have used one. Instead she took a bottle with dad in the kitchen. At that point "J" stopped by to change after work and head back to his house to play with, feed, bathe, and put my nephew to bed.

K is on her way home so I took advantage E's being amused by the bouncy chair friends and cleaned up the apartment, not a few bottles to wash. Now we are waiting for mom to get home and I guess that we will have to call day one of this experiment (or is it really these experiments) a success.

(Mom just got home, sounds like the biggest complaints were that the pump was heavy to carry home and that the shoes she wore home were not comfortable.)

Coming and going...

OK. E is still a sleep. So let's touch on another new addition to our house hold, here on the eve of K's return to work. Tonight is going to be the first night that my older brother "J" will be living with us.

Just before K and I added E to our family my brother J made it known that his wife wanted to end their marriage. (Petty aside: I have to say this was an unwelcome intrusion on my "baby buzz".) They have a wonderful son (my only nephew/niece) and whereas I had a hard time accepting his wife at first she now is someone about whom I care deeply. J's wife, "C", is a wonderful mom and I was looking forward to having her be an important person in E's life. Their house is only a couple of miles away and she has stayed home with their son so far. I am not saying that she can't still be a wonderful aunt to E, but I am saying it will be different.

My parents went through a pretty ugly divorce when we were kids and it is one of my chief goals in life to maintain a healthy and, when possible, happy marriage. It saddens me greatly to think that E is going to grow up with parents who are not married. I know it can be done gracefully, but it is not the same.

Well, now they have decided that it would be best if they did not live together anymore as they prepare to sell their house. And J asked, yesterday, if he should stay with us. In my mind there is only one answer, yes.

That being said, there are more than one worries about adding another body to the house. Space, modesty, privacy, meals, costs, schedules, housekeeping, moods, parking... So, it will be interesting to see how this new wrinkle plays itself out.

I have a feeling that there will be something to post about tomorrow.

So, house dad it is...

I am sitting here in my living room alternately watching my three month old daughter discover that she can grab things and get them to her mouth and watching Lance Armstrong take the podium with his kids in Paris after his seventh win of the Tour de France. I guess now that he and I have something in common, we are both leaving our careers to focus on being dad. (As they are raising the American flag and Playing the National Anthem, E's Pacifier has fallen out and she is not too happy about that.)

A little more than twelve weeks ago my wife, K, and I went into the hospital. Fifteen hours of labor,an epidural , two and a half hours of pushing, forcepts, a nine pound nine ounce daughter and a two nights in the hospital later our little family came home. There is a weird feeling for you. Walking through the door into our home with this tiny little stranger who is totally reliant on you. It almost seemed odd that there was no one there telling us what to do. Although, I guess that that is not entirely the case. E, started training us right out of the gate.

I suppose that If I am going to be writing, in large part, about my experience as a house dad I should give a little back ground about myself. I am a thirty one years old early childhood educator who has been married for seven years and live in one of the two two flats in a suburb of Chicago.

(E got fussy, went down for a nap in her crib without any tears. Oh, and the Tour is over, now Survivor is on.)

Today is a Sunday, two days ago E and I dropped K off at O hare Airport and she flew off for a (much deserved) break. She was off to a wedding in RI, one of her friends from grade school. We tried to figure out a way that made sense for all three of us to go but it was not to be. That means that it has been the daddy and E show for the last forty eight hours.

K is breast feeding so I have been burning through our accumulated milk supply with bottle feedings for these two days. There are a lot more tears when E is eating with daddy than when mom is around. She is not too understanding of the need to heat up the milk and fill up the bottle when she is hungry, making it pretty hard to aim your pour while you are are holding a baby who is wiggling in protest.

As for the house dad part. K is getting back from the wedding tonight and will go back to work for the first time since E was born. She works at one of the big hospitals in the city and I, as I mentioned, am an early childhood educator. She makes way more money than I do and if one of us is going to stay home it could only be me. We just couldn't make it on my paycheck.

This is something that K is coming to terms with. She is not looking forward to leaving E and the fact that there is really no way for her to be the one to stay home with her in the long term is a bit of a bitter pill. (All my words and observations.)

That all being said, K is looking forward to some parts of her return to work. She likes her job and coworkers. Another "who should stay home" consideration is temperament. If you asked either of us who we though had the temperament that was best suited to staying home we would say that it is me. I love my wife and am more grateful than I know how to express for her support.

I have to say that I feel a little nervous about this idea myself. Not being a money earner, not having the structure of the expectations of work, and being a man in a role that is pretty clearly thought of as being that of the woman are all things that I realize I am going to have to feel my way around.

Here is the ultimate truth of my new situation. I love my little girl with all my heart and there is not a single thing I would rather do or place I would rather be than home taking care of her.